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E-Bominations: Electric Powered Rolling Sideshow Freaks

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This comes to us by way of Wired’s Gadget Lab.

These, I can’t think of a better word than, things do for the image of electric bicycles what Shawna Forde did for the image of the Minutemen, and this might be a good thing. The less electric (do I have to say it?) “bicycles” look like actual bicycles, the less likely it is they will be ridden like bicycles — on bike paths, in bike lanes, and even in the woods. If a policeman saw this the aesthetic abomination, called the “Rat Trike,” blasting down the bike path at 50 mph, cranking its 200 watt motor, he would pull it over and give the DRIVER a ticket, maybe even arrest him, or at the absolute least, Tase him. Electric bleh…bleh…bicycles (sorry, I just gag a little bit when I say it) should be called “electric scooters,” or “E-Peds,” or “Oh god, look at the freaking thing…where’s my bazooka?” not bicycles.

Ah, but I digress into a torrent of derision.

More photos of similar electric powered rolling sideshow freaks after the break.

This semi-reasonable (by electric bike-like vehicle standards) electric rickshaw-like machine made by JoeBike in Portland, Oregon is not nearly as offensive as the Rat Trike at the top of the post. Hell, it probably barely cracks 15 mph (especially if your kids have been hitting the Twinkies) and you have to pedal it. I think the JoeBike also allows you to divert power from the warp core to electrify the seats when the little guys start acting like jerks. “Sing one more note of a Hannah Montana song and I will light you up like a damn Christmas tree!”

Now this guy looks way too much like a motorcycle to get away with any bicycle-like behavior. This electric thingy, like the Rat Trike and 99% of the world’s most deadly animals, was made in Australia.

What do you get when you combine a modern engineering marvel like a Huffy with a gigantic, heat ray of fire breathing monster? The Huffzilla! It goes 37 mph. It cost $50 to make but…37 mph? On a Huffy? Jumping in front of a moving train is still a cheaper way to go.

And this one…wow. It combines a recumbent with an electric bicycle. Two bad things that get worse together. I mean, if you’re going to be lazy, be LAZY. This electric assisted lawn chair is the bicycle equivalent of eating the mayonnaise straight out of the jar because making a sandwich takes too much effort.

But hey, whatever floats your crazy train. You can build your own, find out how at Instructables.

This is the Firefly Edison made by Bryce Tugwell. Its trailer  boasts a “drop-in Martini bar (vodka, gin, vermouth, shaker, ice bucket, lemons, limes, olives and 4 martini glasses).” Eh, maybe I’ve been too harsh on these E-bominations…

“Hey Bryce, what bike path are we terrorizing this weekend?”

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Undergroundvelo.com
11 years ago

You are coming off like a D- bag. What’s this bike snob ny. Home made do it your self bike builders keep that segment alive.

Seven Stars
11 years ago

Don’t be a hater parsons… whatever gets people out of cars and onto something resembling bikes…

Sean
Sean
11 years ago

it’s a POV such as this that gets cyclists banned from our horse trails.

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