Friday Fun: Don’t Steal Bikes, Moron

You may have seen this, or not. Our local shop passed it along and thought it would make some amusing Friday water cooler conversation fodder. It’s from a Trek shop in WI. Enjoy:

Dear Paul B.

It was a usual Monday at the bike shop until you called wanting to trade in your girlfriend’s and your bikes. I anxiously awaited your expected arrival. When you came in later you asked for me and then I helped you grab your 2 Madone road bikes out of you 2 door older model Mercedes Kompressor. As Matt checked over the bikes in the back for value we talked about possibly a new Trek Speed Concept that these bikes could go towards. You fancied yourself quite the triathlete and proudly proclaimed your 9 hour time at Ironman WI the year before. As we talked at the counter the front door opened. You looked over for a second and back at me with a little worry in your eye. It was a fully clothed police officer.

And I, with pride and cockiness in my voice, said “Yep, he’s here for you”.

You see Paul, you know those bikes were stolen in Wabasha. I don’t know if you did it or a friend. What you didn’t know is that your victims had bought the bikes at our shop. So when you called about trading “your” bikes in I got your name and number. Then I convinced you to come in. When you walked through those doors I already knew that you were from Arkansaw, WI, ran track in high school, you were about 20 years old, and had in your possession 2 expensive probably stolen bikes. Google and being attentive to people calling can get lots of info.

Now, I don’t know if people trusted you before. But when the officer told me that the cost of the bikes meant you would be charged with a felony, I figured it couldn’t be good for your reputation. As I went home to enjoy my night with my daughter, you were handcuffed in the back of the police car on your way to jail. Funny how life is when you have to pay for your actions.

I guess what I am saying, Paul B., is don’t steal bikes. Oh, and I found no result for you Ironman time. How could you have lied to me, I thought we had a lot of trust going on? Have fun dealing with the mess you created, you moron.

Hugs and Kisses,
Charly >>

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Charly Tri
12 years ago

Thanks for making me famous! Just an FYI, it was at Rochester Cycling and Fitness in Rochester, MN. I posted this on my blog (see link) and there will be another post this week with a great e-mail conversation I had with Paul. It will be good reading.

I am hoping I can develop this into my own reality show where Snooki, The Situation, and I go out and bust bike thieves.

12 years ago

So awesome! Charly–how stoked were the owners of those bikes to get them back??!! We had a similar situation happen at our shop where the thief brought in a bike he stole for service. Funny thing is the bike he brought in belonged to the mechanic working on the bike, so, that didn’t work out too well for the thief either. Cuffs and see you later.

Charly Tri
12 years ago

Oh, the owners were pumped. The tip they left was enough to buy the shop lunch that day. They were sure that they had seen the last of their bikes. Where they were stolen is actually about 40 minutes from here, so I am sure Paul thought he was safe. No one said criminals are smart.

12 years ago

Charly, thanks for a good read!
Where’s the link to your blog? Can’t wait to see what this goober had to say. We deal with bike thieves all too often here in Burlington, VT.

Charly Tri
12 years ago

Just click my name, or copy/paste;

Part 2 to come tomorrow.