Interbike 2009 – The new Assize AS528 computer ties into any existing bicycle saddle with piezo-electric sensors to determine your waist and hip girth or, technically, your “ass size.”
Technical designer Tumani Doenaughts had this to say of their new computer: “Using state-of-the-art technology, you input your height, weight and gender and the Assize automatically determines the size of your ass within one centimeter.  It’s perfect for those trying to see how cycling and exercise is getting them closer to fitting into their hipster skinny jeans.”
I made all of this up, but this is the Worst. Computer Name. Ever.
